Do You Ever Let Yourself Get Lost?

We never quite know what lies ahead of us on this road we travel. Sure, we can make the right choices and plan ahead so we feel safe. But a job loss, a health scare or just a lot of unwanted things find us. Some more than others.

For me, it was the day my daughter was born. I had always wanted to be a mother. I was so excited to start my family. The day she was born, they discovered a chamber of her heart was missing. This fork in the road was one I never saw coming.

I slowly began to take each day, just the one in front of me, and find a little bit of joy. It was not hard, she was and is so much joy. But fear of what her future held, what our family’s future held, had the potential to break me. To make me worry. To do what they call “catastrophize” - that is when we imagine the worst possible scenario. (By the way, I’ve read this is SUPER unhealthy to do.)

But you know what did work? Taking a walk outside during the full moon. Picking dandelions and making wishes. Driving out to the beach to hear the sound of the ocean. Drawing the flowers that bloom outside my door each season. How they would grow back even more beautiful after the storm. Nature is full of wonder. There is this force all around us that just knows. It knows its perfect version of itself.

My daughter is now 14. She does this thing when we are in the car. We live in Los Angeles. There is a lot of traffic. And we use our phones to navigate the quickest and more efficient way to get back home. We will be stuck in a line of traffic and she will insist we turn up some road, a road we do not go on, or an exit we never take. She says, “Mom, let’s just get lost.” When she did this at first, I laughed and ignored her request. But then one day, I decided to indulge it. It was after a doctor’s appointment. And I knew she needed me to say yes. So I did. And now this is a ritual we practice often. I like to call it Looking for the Magic. Because those moments present themselves all the time. Do you take such invitations? Do you allow yourself to get lost every once in a while?

Until next time,
Kim